


Avenoir

by Sakunade



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 30DayJohnJaeChallenge, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Forgiveness, Getting Back Together, Heartbreak, Light Angst, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:21:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27822928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sakunade/pseuds/Sakunade
Summary: Because even after six years, it still felt like it was yesterday.Jaehyun thought he had moved on, moved past all of this. But even just hearing his name, it came back like a wave washing over him. All of their relationship tumbling down around them when Johnny said he was moving back to the States.The moment Jaehyun first saw him struggling through his broken Korean at the coffee shop. He thought Johnny was the most beautiful thing on the face of the earth. He fell hard, and fast, wearing his heart on his sleeve and giving everything to Johnny.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 7
Kudos: 85





	Avenoir

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to throw this little baby together for the #30DayJohnJaeChallenge - Day 1: Sunset.
> 
> I don't know if I will do a series of them or not, but I will try. This was supposed to be short.....and technically, it is shorter than my average!

When Taeyong invited all of them to their beach house down in Busan for Mark’s birthday, Jaehyun should have politely declined. Should have made excuses for being busy with work, unable to take the train ride down from Seoul for the weekend. Should have known he would be here too, and how awkward it was going to be. 

Because even after six years, it still felt like it was yesterday. 

He thought he had moved on, moved past all of this. But even just hearing his name, it came back like a wave washing over him. All of their relationship tumbling down around them when Johnny said he was moving back to the States.

Jaehyun loved Busan, he always had. A beautiful city on the beach, the salt in the air as it wafted on the breeze. The coastline dotted with towering hi-rises and little tents and pagodas from the tourists visiting for the summer. 

He watched the sun dipping into the ocean from Taeyong’s balcony, ignoring the party inside. The cigarette in his hand was half for show, half for comfort. Just to keep them occupied with something other than picking away at his skin and nails. He had stopped smoking last year, but somehow the habit kicked back up in the last two weeks. Each day, creeping closer and with it, Jaehyun’s anxiety climbed exponentially. 

Taeyong had assured him it would be fine. Johnny was Mark’s godfather, after all, and it made sense for him to come visit for his birthday. Yet part of Jaehyun was still certain it was going to be torture seeing Johnny again. Especially after how they had left everything between them. There had been lots of screaming, yelling, tears...it was ugly. 

They had been young, reckless, and foolish. Impertinent, impatient, and just stubborn. 

He regretted agreeing to come, wanting to be anywhere but in this house. Unfortunately, Doyoung and Taeyong were his best friends, and they had made him promise to come. Part of him also suspected this was a ploy of theirs to get him and Johnny back together.

Part of him secretly hoped it worked. 

The other part reverted to the stupid, immature, naive 20-year old the minute he walked through the door and his eyes fell on him. His knees threatening to give out under him, the air knocked from his lungs, and fuck, this was such a bad idea. 

Seated on the couch with Mark in his lap, laughing and giggling as Johnny tickled his pudgy stomach while Haechan climbed over his back. The American soil had certainly done wonders for Johnny. His hair was blonde now, bright and vibrant like his wide smile and complimenting his tanned skin perfectly. The crinkle of his eyes as they turned into beautiful crescents, and the rise of his cheeks. Eyes that fell ever so slightly when they landed on Jaehyun, still standing in the doorway, just staring. But Johnny simply gave him a soft, melancholy smile and a shy wave. 

But neither made the first move, both of them testing the waters. Checking where the other was, mentally, emotionally, physically. Like magnets, constantly drawn to each other. The delicate dancing around, skirting around until Jaehyun realized it would have been foolish to expect them to just fall back into place as if nothing had ever happened. 

Johnny always had this effect on him, ever since college. The moment Jaehyun first saw him struggling through his broken Korean at the coffee shop. He thought Johnny was the most beautiful thing on the face of the earth. He fell hard, and fast, wearing his heart on his sleeve and giving everything to Johnny. 

Jaehyun had been the hopeless romantic, as befitting of a Valentine's baby. A free spirit, a dreamer who wanted a boho style love, burning bright and raw. Johnny was classic, ambitious, and played it safe. Focused and career-driven, responsible. Still, they were young and in love, and complemented each other. 

He hated how even now, he could feel all of those emotions coming back. Six years and Jaehyun truly thought he had let go. He needed to clear his head, to collect himself and calm the pounding of his heart against his chest. 

_ Breathe. Just breathe.  _

He convinced himself his mind was running away, being unreasonable and irrational. Overanalyzing every little detail, like how it seemed like Johnny ducked out of the room whenever he entered. Or how whenever he caught Johnny looking in his direction, Johnny would immediately turn and wave to someone else. 

The cigarettes were sweet on his tongue, the cool menthol blended with a hint of coffee. A brand he honestly hated but he knew Johnny loved. Again, it was more for show than anything else. 

Yeah, maybe he was a little pathetic. 

The sliding door opened behind him. Of course, they would send Doyoung to check on him. Jaehyun took a drag, letting the smoke fill his mouth and lungs. Gotta keep the pretenses up. 

“Sorry, hyung, I just needed-” Jaehyun began, snuffing out the dying butt on the railing. Doyoung hated the smell of smoke, especially around the kids. He glanced over his shoulder and froze, eyes wide as Johnny stepped out onto the balcony, the door sliding shut behind him. 

The sounds of the ocean waves rolled in the distance, the setting summer sun cast his face in hues of orange and reds. Jaehyun swallowed, the tension stifling the air between them. A heavy weight bearing down so much left unsaid and unspoken. He wanted to say something, anything. He knew he had to, but his mouth wouldn’t work. His brain ran a million miles per second, trying to think of something — anything — to say.

When nothing reasonable came, Jaehyun mumbled something incohesive under his breath and tried to leave for the door. The door directly behind Johnny. Johnny, who he knew he couldn’t get past, and suddenly it felt like he was suffocating, drowning.

“I’m moving back to Korea, Jae.” Johnny’s voice was soft, tentative...uncertain. 

Jaehyun took a moment, trying to process what he said as if he spoke another language. No doubt he looked like a fish, standing there with his mouth hanging open. 

“Oh? That’s….good, I guess? Work is going well, then?” Jaehyun wanted to smack himself for how stupid he sounded. But it was a start. Anything, he supposed, was better than nothing. 

“Yeah, yeah...it’s good, I guess. And you? How have you been?” Jaehyun watched as Johnny played with the stem of the wine glass in his hand, his brow pulled tight in the center of his forehead. 

“Good.” 

_ Lies.  _

_ Complete bullshit.  _

Johnny didn’t need to know exactly how much his leaving hurt. The door swinging shut behind Johnny as he walked out, a wrecking ball swooping into his otherwise perfect, idyllic dream life. Commitment was all he had asked, ready for the next step. Taking a leap of faith when Johnny had only just begun to dip his toes in the water. 

The water had been too cold for Johnny’s liking, and he said he needed time. He needed to “focus” on himself as he tried to reason, to figure it all out. He was on a plane back to Chicago within a week, and Jaehyun was left alone and heartbroken. Dragging himself out of bed, pretending to care when all he wanted was Johnny back in his life. 

Jaehyun couldn’t do that to him, guilt him into being friends again. Younger Jaehyun would have been that vindictive. Younger Jaehyun would have done a lot of stupid things to try and keep Johnny in his life. Loving Johnny was addictive, a drug Jaehyun once needed to survive. The feel-good hormones released every time they were close - craving, needing, begging.

He wasn’t the same person he was back then. Neither was Johnny. 

But the addiction...it was still there. Even if he had been clean and sober of Johnny for years, the temptation dangled in front of him and Jaehyun desperately wanted a hit, just to remember.

“That’s good. You look good, Jae.” Johnny chewed on his lip. Jaehyun wondered briefly if they still felt and tasted the way they did before. 

“Thanks...you do too.” Jaehyun’s pulse sped up as Johnny moved closer, entering his space and on reflex, he took a step back into the railing. “So uh...why are you moving back to Korea?”

At this, Johnny looked up from the glass in his hand to meet Jaehyun’s gaze. There was something in the dark earthy pools Jaehyun couldn’t place, and his throat felt dryer. He wished he had a drink with him, to help and to calm his nerves. 

Whatever it was, it fueled Johnny’s confidence.

“We’re opening a vineyard here and expanding our business into the Korean market. Here, try it. It’s one of our reserves,” Johnny said, offering the glass of sauvignon to him.

The pads of his fingers brushed over Johnny’s as he took the glass. Like an electrical outlet, the shock traveled up his arm and spread throughout his body. Igniting every nerve and cell as the shockwaves rippled into his body. Steady, he raised the glass to his mouth and drank, eyes never leaving Johnny’s.

The first hit. It wasn’t so bad after all.

“It’s sweet,” Jaehyun replied. He passed the drink back but before he realized it, Johnny’s hand cupped his cheek, warm and comfortable, and  _ home. _

Jaehyun felt Johnny’s thumb brush over his bottom lip, wiping away a single red drop that escaped. This time, Jaehyun didn’t back away and instead leaned towards the touch. Johnny took the glass from his hand and set it aside on the railing, and in doing so, caged him between it. 

Jaehyun’s heart lurched forward and he knew he was fucked…

With Johnny, he always was. 

Jaehyun tilted his head to the side, leaning up until their lips were almost touching, chests pressed firmly together. “Johnny, I—” 

The sliding door burst open as a very annoyed, exasperated Taeyong chased a screaming, squealing, naked Haechan onto the balcony. Thankfully, the distraction Jaehyun needed to snap out of their daze, and he cleared his throat with an apologetic smile to Johnny. 

“Oh, shit, I’m— Jaehyunnie, you ok? I’m so sorry— I just — Hyuckie got into the cake and — yeah, we’ll just... leave you…” Taeyong rambled off, collecting his undressed child in his arms with the towel he had been trying to use to save what little modesty Haechan had. As Taeyong hurried back into the living room, he shot a concerned look over to Jaehyun. 

He knew his ears and face were betraying him. Always the first indication of what he was feeling. And no doubt, Jaehyun knew he had to be fifty shades of crimson red. He’d blame it on the sun if anyone asked. He didn’t even realize when or how his fingers had become laced between Johnny’s. Or even, how they were still holding hands with Taeyong gone. 

“How long are you here for?” Jaehyun asked, his brow furrowed together. He was afraid to look up at Johnny, afraid to see his face and reaction. 

“A few days, but I’ll be back in a month to sign some contracts for the vineyard. Jae....I’ve missed you...a lot. Do you think...can we…talk more?” 

From Johnny, Jaehyun got strength and feeling the warmth of Johnny’s hand around his, the other still holding his cheek, he nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, we can talk. Let’s catch up. I’ve missed you too.”

Jaehyun looked up to see Johnny smiling, bright eyes shining with flecks of golden honey wheat across them from the sun. Thick, rich honey sweeter than any other and they were only looking at him. Tints of rose dusted across Johnny’s cheeks, and Jaehyun felt the second hit coming before the high of the first had barely worn off.

A month later, they were sitting in the grass along the Han River, watching the ferry boats coasting along the waterway. 

The water lapped at the edges of the banks, the last streaks of the sun across the glassy surface before it disappeared completely. Jaehyun watched as Johnny rambled on about something, a faint smile on his lips. He loved this, seeing Johnny’s face light up with passion for everything. Johnny practically glowed whenever his heart was invested in something.

Jaehyun wondered if Johnny would ever look at him like that again. 

He inched closer, not enough to touch Johnny, but just enough to feel his presence. To feed off the limitless energy he had. Jaehyun had lost track of how long he had been watching but Johnny must have caught him staring out of the corner of his eye because he paused mid-sentence and turned to face him. 

“Jae?” 

Johnny raised a perfectly groomed brow at him and Jaehyun snapped out of his daydream. “Sorry...I didn’t mean to space out. You just were so into your story about the vineyards. I was listening, I promise.”

“Were you? Or were you too busy staring at my beauty?” Johnny teased with a smirk. The same look that always made Jaehyun weak and it was already working. 

“N-no! I was listening...you were talking about….Ken, and Lucas? And the grape farm in California!” 

Johnny laughed, loud and wonderfully happy. “Kun, but close enough. But what were you thinking about, Jae? I’ve noticed you get lost on me sometimes.”

To that, Jaehyun didn’t answer and instead sat up a little straighter. He plucked a blade of grass and began playing with it between his fingers as he stared off in the distance. Johnny nodded and joined him, scooting closer to his side until their shoulders touched. They watched in silence as the sun disappeared and the lights along the river pathways came on. In the distance, they could see Lotte Tower. 

Their first date. 

“Johnny, what happened that day? When I asked you to move in together?”

For a long time, Johnny didn’t answer him. Jaehyun began to wonder if Johnny even heard him, but he glanced over and the sight of Johnny almost in tears stopped him. “Fuck, I— I’m sorry, you don’t have-”

“I wanted to tell you, Jae. I just...I got scared,” Johnny mumbled, fighting back the tears. He leaned forward as he pulled his knees up to rest his arms. 

“I— tell me what?”

“How much I loved you. How much I needed you, and wanted you in my life, but I was scared. Of those feelings, of getting hurt. I was falling in love with you, you know? Everything with you made me feel alive and happy. And then, just….without warning, you asked me to move in and something about it made it all seem too real, and I...wasn’t ready. I didn’t know what to do, and I just...left. Jesus...fucking hell, Jae...I was such an asshole, to just ghost you like that. Just leaving you without explaining or telling you why. I’m so sorry, I’m so...so sorry about that.”

Jaehyun watched as the strong facade slipped away as Johnny sat silently beside him. But for the first time in a long time, he actually  _ saw _ Johnny. Not the persona he always wore, but the soft giant inside. He reached over and took Johnny’s hand in his. He always loved Johnny’s hands, they were one of his favorite parts about him. 

Johnny’s words sank into his head, and he realized it must have hurt Johnny as much as it did him. Jaehyun let out a soft sigh, concentrating on the soft grass under their feet, the sound of the cicadas coming out in the trees around them. He closed his eyes for a moment and tilted his head, slowly opening them to look at Johnny. 

“Do you think we would have been happy together?”

“Back then? Of course we would have been happy, Jae. You were everything for me, but I think that was the problem. Everything I knew, my whole life and world, was centered around you and us. But we were so young then, and I don’t think either of us really knew who we were.”

Jaehyun paused for a moment, and finally, Johnny looked up to meet his eyes. 

Johnny’s eyes, dark like the espresso he drank every morning and Jaehyun could drink endlessly in their depths. Soulful, deep, and reflective. Pure, trusting, and...scared? Wanting and afraid, but also warm and comforting, like the ridiculously massive stuffed teddy Johnny won him from the claw games. 

“And...now?”

“I learned to not become so self-absorbed, to focus on not only myself but my partner. I learned I really enjoy photography. And I learned how much I lost when I left. I shouldn’t have let it go on as long as it did, and I regret it. I was worried when Taeyong asked — no, demanded I come for Mark’s birthday. I was worried you’d hate me.”

Johnny’s hands switch with his, and now it’s Johnny’s turn to admire Jaehyun’s. He ran a soothing hand over the back of Jaehyun’s palm, over the wrist as his thumb ran over the bone. 

“Johnny…,” Jaehyun murmured, trying not to give in to the touch calling him and sparking something within him. “I could never hate you...believe me, I tried. I couldn’t help how I felt — how I still feel. I still have those feelings for you, and it scares me because I don’t know you anymore. We’ve both changed, a lot.”

The silence grew thick between them, putting an unsettling weight on Jaehyun’s shoulders. He looked up at Johnny through long lashes, biting his lip as he waited for something... _ anything. _

“Jaehyun.”

God, he loved how his name sounded coming from Johnny, in the rich, deep voice. 

Jaehyun didn’t know where it came from or why, but it felt right. The way the sun set in the distance, the beams casting low orange and gold hues across their faces. Despite the park and everyone, everything around them all seemed to disappear. Fading away into the background until it was only them at this moment, here and now, and it felt perfect. 

He wasn’t even sure which of them moved first, but at that moment, all he knew was Johnny’s lips were on his in a tender, soft kiss. 

His heart beat faster, stopped, and sped up again because it was just — that— perfect. The warmth blossomed and spread from their touch. A part of him, a missing puzzle piece, sliding back into the final place and the part of his heart and soul he had always kept for Johnny opened up again. 

It lasted maybe a minute but it felt like an eternity when Johnny gently pulled back and Jaehyun could feel the burning heat in his cheeks. His mind was hotwired to Johnny, and already he needed more, his ever-gnawing addiction refueled. 

“Can we get to know each other all over again? A fresh start? Together?” Johnny asked as he let his forehead fall against Jaehyun’s, and Jaehyun smiled. 

“Yeah, Johnny. I wanna get to know you again.”


End file.
